Why Do I Feel “Clocky” Today
Based on the title above , I'm assuming you instantly clicked. “Why do I feel “Clocky” Today? I’ve realized a lot of Trans Women go through , this period in there lives of feeling clocky. The only reason you feel like this is because you haven't embodied that version of yourself yet. Your “probably” wondering what do you mean Star? Let me explain what I mean in detail. When you first start to transition its almost like this rocky boat , sailing the “Great Caribbean Sea” at first we are happy and delighted about our new found identity. We hope right into taking “estrogen” without actually thinking things through on a deeper level. Let me tell you why a lot of Trans girls end up suffering , not because of the “estrogen”. It's because they haven’t asked themselves these deeper questions. Let me break it down for you.
1st Question- What triggered my transition? Did I always feel this way?
2nd Question- Do “I” compare my womanhood to everyone else?
3rd Question- Do “I “actually seek outside validation to make up for my lack of self awareness?
Once you answer these 3 Important questions you will finally start to see the bigger picture about yourself. Now lets break these questions down even further ,starting with Question 1 - If you can , go back to the big bang, or I should say the big reason why you started your transition, this can actually shed some light on why , you feel the way you do. A lot of Trans girls never actually sit down with themselves and think about this topic. Me for example , “ what started my transition was much deeper than your average. I’ve always knew that I was different. That was until , I grew up and labels started to come into play. I started playing with dolls , wigs and wearing high heels in secret. Deep down I knew I was a woman , I just didn’t know the type of woman I was until… “I” met my first Trans girl ever in my life at the age of 20. She was so beautiful , like almost as if she walked out the factory for Mac Cosmetics. In that very moment , I saw a glimpse of myself that changed the very core of my identity. Just a little side story , to shed some light for you. This is what I mean by go back to that moment of realization, dig deep and think to yourself. What made me see the woman , that I am today. Now this is where it gets really good. Question 2 , Do I compare my womanhood to everyone else? Trans Women, such as myself has done this countless of times , without even knowing it. I would look at other girls , who were further along in there transition and compare my looks, money , and even body types. I would ask myself , “Why can't I look like that”? That was one of my biggest mistakes in my early transitional phases. Then I started to dwell deeper into what it means to be a Trans Woman, and everyone had there own definition of it. Then boom it finally hit me , it's not whats on the outside that makes you Trans , its the morals, principles and energy that you cultivate that transcends all the physical things. We as Trans Women are so powerful , without us even knowing it. Im not trying to say this from a egotistical stand point, but have you wondered why we receive so much hate just for being “Us”? Its because we push the boundaries of whats quote on quote “Normal” people are scared of people who embrace themselves to the fullest. Thats why I tell Trans Women of all backgrounds and colors, that you cant compare “Rare to Common”. That is not what life is about , you are a masterpiece cultivated and sculptured to its finest. Who cares what the other girl has, and who cares what cosmetic surgery she got done , because you never know what those people had to go through to get there. What you have at this very moment is far more precious and that’s “you choosing to be yourself in a world that could care less about you. Stop comparing your unique experience to someones else’s life, you are Gorgeous, Smart, Good Credit, Amazing Body and Lastly “You are doing the Damn Thing”. You work so hard behind the scenes, but sooner or later the world will finally see that you were always “HER” it just took a bit of soul searching to find her. Lastly Question 3, “ Do I Actually seek outside validation to , make up for my lack of self awareness”? Now I saved this question for last because , I wanted you to leave here with a mind of your own and a backbone to prove it. Alot of the times in our early transition , we seem to always ask others “ Am I Woman Enough?” , “Am I cute enough to wear this dress?” ,”Are my shoulders to wide"?”. This is completely normal , your not a bad person for seeking something , that no one has ever taught you. Most of the times we as Trans Women have to stand on our own two feet, we have to do things that may disrespect our morals and work twice as hard. Seeking others approval is not the way to go my dear , stop trying to validate something that others cant even fully comprehend. Its like asking a Fly if this pot of honey is better than shit. What I want from you , is to write down the things you ask other people to validate you own. After you write these down ,go to the mirror and observe yourself. Pay attention to those thoughts that come up. If they are negative, then this is where the real works start. Ask yourself , “where did these negative parts of myself come from , did someone say these things to me , or am I comparing myself to others?”. If the answer is yes , you need to go back to the mirror and tell yourself “ I am Woman Enough “ I am the woman that people aspire to be like , I am so beautiful , that I can't even be compared to the top models of the world. The goal here is to develop your confidence muscle. So I took upon myself to create a “FREE” confidence guide for my fellow trans women around the world, this is the link https://www.deartranssisters.blog/store
Now that you have the Exercises and a completely free guide for some inner work. Now its up to you to envision, adapt and be the best woman you can be without having to gain anyone’s outside validation. I love you all, “ Believe in your light”. Make sure you Lovely Women Sign up for the Newsletter to get updates and “FREEBIES”